Teaching Daughters the Value of Inclusion: A Girl Dad’s Perspective

The Job of a Lifetime and the Most Rewarding- Being a Father

Originally Published on Linked In - March 30, 2025

March 30, 2025

As a father to two incredible daughters, I’ve learned that my role as a parent isn’t just about providing for their material needs or guiding them through schoolwork. More importantly, it’s about teaching them to be kind, empathetic, and inclusive human beings—values that will shape their interactions with others and ultimately their place in the world. It’s one of the most profound lessons I can impart, and it’s a lesson I take seriously.

From the moment they were born, I knew my daughters would grow up in a constantly evolving world—one where challenges and opportunities related to intersectionality and inclusion would be integral to their journey. As a father, I sought to raise our children with a deep understanding of the importance of making others feel welcome, understood, and valued, regardless of their backgrounds or differences.

Inclusion is not just a buzzword or a concept that can be saved for “later” in life; it’s a fundamental lesson I try to teach them every day, in every interaction. One of the most significant ways I do this is by modeling inclusive behavior at home and encouraging them to extend kindness and open-mindedness to those they meet.

Setting the Foundation with Empathy

At a young age, children are naturally curious. They ask questions and form opinions based on the things they see and experience. One of the first lessons I imparted to my daughters is the idea of empathy. We discuss how everyone is unique and how that uniqueness should be celebrated, not used as a reason for division. Through stories and the intentional nature of their primary school, whether it was reading books about different cultures, religions, or disabilities, or simply discussing their day at school, I encouraged them to think about the feelings of others and how their actions might impact someone else.

One of the most effective ways to cultivate empathy is to listen actively. We try to listen to my daughters without judgment, allowing them to express their thoughts and feelings openly. This creates an environment where we can discuss complex or sensitive topics, including why excluding others based on arbitrary differences like race, appearance, or social status is harmful. Through these conversations, I help them understand that every person has a unique story and experiences worth listening to.

Embracing Our Differences in All Its Forms

It has been essential to teach our daughters that diversity encompasses more than just race or culture. Diversity includes a wide range of experiences and perspectives, including gender, socioeconomic background, abilities, and differing opinions. I frequently encouraged our daughters to make friends with children from different backgrounds, and I celebrated the differences in their group of friends. Whether it was someone with a different skin color, someone who spoke a different language, or someone who has a disability, we wanted our daughters to grow up seeing these differences as enriching, not as reasons for exclusion.

We live in a society that sometimes encourages people to put others in boxes—whether those boxes are racial, socioeconomic, or even based on interests and hobbies. It’s easy for children to fall into patterns of exclusion, primarily when they haven’t yet fully understood how vital inclusivity is for a functioning and fair society. I make it a point to actively teach our daughters that everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, regardless of how they may differ from what they consider “normal.” We often engaged them in discussions about the journey that their grandparents started, which brought our families to this country, and was part of their uniqueness and 'super power'.

The Importance of Standing Up for Others

One of the most crucial lessons I wanted our daughters to learn is the importance of standing up for others when they witness exclusion or unfair treatment. It’s one thing to be inclusive in their actions, but it’s another to have the courage to call out exclusion when they see it. I want them to understand that silence in the face of injustice can often be as harmful as the act of exclusion itself.

To foster this attitude, we often discuss situations where they’ve seen or heard of someone being left out or treated unfairly. I ask them questions like, “How do you think that person feels?” or “What could you do to make that person feel included?” Encouraging them to be problem-solvers and allies gives them the confidence to act when they see someone mistreated.  This became especially critical during the middle school years.  We know those years, when childhood friends, who had been since pre-school, sometimes drift apart.  It is the age when cliques form and the biologically driven competition about boys emerges.  During these periods, we echoed the saying: “Be the girl that invites others in, not the one that seeks to exclude others”.   It is often easier said than done, as the world around them challenges them to turn the other cheek and be bigger than the situation may call them into being.

This isn’t just about teaching them to be passive observers; it’s about equipping them with the tools to be active participants in creating an inclusive environment, whether in the classroom, on the playground, on the athletic field, or within their social circle. The world will always have challenges, but if they learn to be agents of positive change and that their character is the most essential trait they possess, they will be better equipped to foster an inclusive atmosphere wherever they go.

Leading by Example

As their father, I know that leading by example is the best way to teach my daughters about inclusion. Children often mimic their parents’ behaviors, whether consciously or unconsciously. If I’m inclusive and respectful of others, they will be more likely to model that same behavior. My actions serve as a constant teaching tool, whether it’s trying to include someone in a conversation, offering help when someone is in need, or simply being kind to others regardless of differences.

I have also made it a point to show them that it’s okay to make mistakes if we learn from them. If I inadvertently exclude someone or make an error in judgment, I don’t shy away from admitting it. Acknowledging our mistakes, taking responsibility, and striving to improve are essential to growth.  It also means that I share my disappointments about when I am excluded and how I handle it.  It calls me to be empathetic and to rise above the situation, moving beyond the emotional reaction and forgiving.

As a leader, I have often realized the impact of unaddressed middle school competition on one's life later on. In the workplace, it fosters a winner-takes-all, climb-at-all-costs mindset. Many female employees have told me, “You advocated more for me than any of my female managers; you were my ally.” This often prompts reflection on fathers' roles in creating a better world for their daughters, embodying the change we wish to see in the world.

A Lifelong Commitment to Inclusion

As I look at my daughters and think about the world they will inherit, I realize that the responsibility of teaching them the value of inclusion isn’t a one-time lesson, but a lifelong commitment. I want them to grow up with an unwavering belief in the power of empathy, kindness, and respect for others. I want them to be the ones who stand up for the marginalized, reach out to the lonely, and create a world that values connection over division. This year, as we prepare to launch our oldest daughter into the world as a college student and our youngest follows closely behind, I find myself reverting to these thoughts of our journey and what we have learned together.

Ultimately, inclusion isn’t just about integrating others into our lives; it’s about recognizing that the richness of humanity lies in our differences and shared experiences. As a father, there is no greater joy than seeing my daughters grow into individuals who understand this truth, including others, and make the world better.

This year, rather than a typical post during Women’s History Month, why not seek to coach our daughters to be the type of humans we need more of in the world? THIS is history in the making.

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